The Tale of the Tamale Recipe

The Saga of the Tamale

The tale begins at the La Tapatia Mexicatessen in South San Francisco where I first ate a tamale. The store opened in the 1970's and makes every type of Mexican food you can imagine; fresh warm corn tortillas, carnitas, roasted chicken, burritos, tacos, tamales, nachos, quesadillas, a variety of salsas and guacamole. I would always stick with their fresh tortillas and delicious avocados. One day coming back from surfing I was so hungry I decided to try a couple tamales from the steam table up by the cash register. I had never eaten a tamale before so I wasn't quite sure how to go about it. What to do with the husk? Didn't matter, they were so delicious I decided I would learn how to make them.

In a vegetarian Mexican cookbook I found a recipe for the corn masa; equal parts masa flour and liquid, one quarter of which is oil. I asked one of the managers at Tapatia how they made their masa, he told me they also put baking powder in the masa. "Aha," I thought as the lightbulb came on. "What does the name 'Tapatia' mean?"
"It's a folk dance from Mexico," he told me.

The Jarabe Tapatio, a traditional dance form is considered the national dance of Mexico. Having originated in the state of Jalisco, the Jarabe Tapatio is a courting dance, where the man tries to romantically sway a woman. While the women wear the traditional china poblana, which includes a fringed blouse, a skirt and a shawl, the men are dressed in an ornate charro or cowboy suit. In the early 1900's the famous Russian ballerina, Anna Pavlova created a staged version in pointe shoes, winning the hearts of Mexican audiences who showered her with hats in adoration. With a few tamales who know what could have happened?

I decided to give my friends and family tamales for Christmas that year. I made some fresh salsa; tomatoes, red onion, cilantro,and celery to accompany these treats. A few years later I wrote a holiday card with the first verse of what would become the song.

Saga of the Tamale

In Mayan times the special three,
The Trinity,
were Beans and Squash and Corn,
Around the fire in fellowship,
These little gifts were born,
Though now our times are troubled,
And hope seems only folly,
Please sit down and join with friends,
To eat a good tamale.

Jim Murdoch lyrics & music c.2006
* * *

For the next 4 years I would add another verse to the poem and in 2005 when I was recording my first cd, 'Waltz to the Sea'
I decided to put a melody to the verses. The last verse was written in 2006 after the cd was finished. The complete lyrics are included after the recipe.

Jim Murdoch's Tamale recipe

This recipe has developed over the years and was never written down until now. Feel free to add or omit ingredients. For example, I usually don't have onions or garlic but why not if you are so inclined? I have also sometimes used red bell peppers and green and black olives.

There are a lot of steps involved, so getting some friends together to help can be a lot of fun. You can also prepare in steps, for example cook the tofu and roast the chiles one day. Soak and rinse the corn husks the next day. Prepare the filling and assemble the tamales the 3rd day.

There is a very good Nortena (Tex Mex) music documentary by Les Blank, "Chulas Fronterras" ("Beautiful Borders") which has a sequence about the great singer & musician Lydia Mendoza while her family is making tamales for a big celebration. You can pick up some good techniques from watching them, such as how to use the back of a big spoon to smear the masa onto the husk.

makes 2-3 dozen tamales

12-16 oz firm tofu
1/2 cup chopped celery
1 cup shitake (or of choice) mushrooms
1 large sweet potato baked until barely tender and diced into 3/4 inch cubes
3/4 cup corn
3/4 cup peas
1 grated carrot
4 roasted, peeled and seeded anaheim chiles ( a few seeds left in will add some heat)
3/4 cup roasted pumpkin seeds
2.5 ozs dark chocolate
1 28 oz can of whole peeled tomatoes (San Marzano are best)
3 roasted and ground cloves
1 tblsp cinnamon
1 tblsp cumin powder
1 tblsp tumeric
1 tblsp smoked paprika

The corn husks need to be soaked for a few hours and then rinsed off to remove any threads of red corn silk. Hold the corn husk in the palm of your hand and use the back of a big ladle or spoon to place about 3 tblsp of masa in the center of the husk. Place about 2 tblspn of filling, fold the husk lengthwise and then fold the ends underneath.

The filling
* saute the chopped celery in a few tblsp of olive oil for a few minutes, add the mushrooms and the chiles and let cook for
about 10 min.
* chop the tomatoes and add with the diced sweet potato and grated carrot and spices except the cinnamon.
* add the diced tofu and let cook for another 10 min
* break the chocolate into pieces and add. When the chocolate has melted add the pumpkin seeds and cinnamon.
* let the filling rest for 10-15 minutes and begin assembling the tamales.

The tofu
slice 3/4 inch thick pieces, saute with olive oil and sprinkle a little tamari sauce on top of each piece. After the tofu is a little crisp on both sides, add apple cider vinegar over the tofu, let steam for a minute and then sprinkle brewer's yeast on top of the tofu, turn the heat off and cover until cool.

When cool dice into 1/2 to 3/4 inch cubes and add to tomato sauce.

The masa
4 cups masa (if you can find organic, it has great flavor)
6-8 tblsp baking powder
3 cups water
1 cup extra virgin olive oil or other oil of choice

Mix the dry masa and the baking powder together. Stir in the water and oil and mix thoroughly.

Put a few empty corn husks in the bottom of the steamer or colander. Fill the colander with tamales and cover with more corn husks. Place a wet towel over the top of the corn husks. Cover the steamer with a lid and steam for 1 hour. You can put a penny in the bottom of the pot and if the water runs low you will be able to hear the penny rattling around and can add more water. Let them cool and enjoy with your favorite salsa.

here's the complete song

Saga of the Tamale Jim Murdoch lyrics & music c.2006

In Mayan times the special three,
The Trinity,
were Beans and Squash and Corn,
Around the fire in fellowship,
These little gifts were born,
Though now our times are troubled,
And hope seems only folly,
Please sit down and join with friends,
To eat a good tamale.

* * *
Another year has come and gone,
The time has come to pass,
For some the wheel has turned too slow,
For others much too fast,
We look towards the new year,
With hope of dreams to last,
Let's celebrate with friends and fork,
This savory, sweet repast.

* * *
It's solstice time, the sun is low
The winter moon has risen
The light is clear, the days grow short
Our gratitude is given
The earth is cold, the air is crisp...
Our season to renew
Again we'll plant the corn that gave
These sweet tamales blue.

* * *
On Solstice Day the Sun stands still
Spray blows off the Winter Sea
Our breath is white,
We head for home
A good hot cup of tea
Tamales, chiles, corn and more
Around the hearth we're cooking
A slice that's quick, with knife so sure
The chef's not even looking
A hearty stew, Tamales Grand
When they're cool, we'll peel the husk
Pour on the salsa red or green
And feast from Dawn till Dusk

* * *
As winter fades the sun returns
Days and nights grow long
Alas dear friend,
The end draws near
To our little song
Look, spring returns,
The swallows fly
Back home where they belong
We'll join again, sing loud and clear
Our sweet tamale song

Jim Murdoch lyrics & music c.2006
www.jimmurdoch.org

from FolkWorld... and Fatea magazines...

"This 12-song CD strikes with one of the more lucid vocal performances I have heard. The voice is a resonant baritone with clear enunciation and a silky delivery. The music has American/Appalachian folk roots with a touch of country and worldly folk.
The second cut, “The Heart and the Feather”, features Turkish instruments such as cumbus and zils. So it is no surprise that this song stands out and is pretty spectacular. There is even some classical piano among the surprises for traditional fans that want the musicians to wander off the beaten track."
© David Hintz, FolkWorld

and from 'Fatea' magazine...

"There can't be many musicians that have had joint careers as traditional circus clowns, Jim Murdoch is one. "Yonder Shore" is a strange album, four traditional tracks and eight self penned songs. Even if you didn't know the traditional songs, it would be easy to pick them out. Jim's own songs are quirkey, the lyrics don't quite scan, they sound like they really need a campfire chorus to do them justice, the instrumentation a little twee, a little too hopeful and yet somehow I find myself strangely drawn to them. You know you shouldn't, but you just can't help it."

Fatea magazine is named after Morgan Le Fey of Arthurian Legend. In the Italian version of the legend, she is known as Morgana Fatea and as well as being an enchantress and an earth maiden, she was also a musician.

New Video of 2 of my songs from my new cd, "Yonder Shore"

Here is a new video of 2 of my songs from my new cd, "Yonder Shore" which I play on guitar, harmonica and sing. The first song, "Dusk & Dawn" is a solo performance and "Yonder Shore," features the beautiful dancing of Anita Lalwani. The performances are from a concert at the UCSF Helen Diller Family Cancer Center in San Francisco last June as part of a weekly world music series sponsored by Dr. Jeffrey Pearl, Dean of Medicine and by the Art for Recovery program where I have worked for the past 16 years as a musician, see bio.

My new cd, "Yonder Shore" is now available! The CD release party is Saturday June 12, 2010. Details below. The Lyrics and Liner notes are here too...

/
The festivities will begin with Jimbo's musical clown show at 11 am Saturday June 12, 2010 in San Francisco at the West Portal Library 190 Lenox Way, featuring accordion music from around the world, juggling, hat tricks, skits & antics. The cd release party will follow and feature the new songs, some favorites and some musical guests. Hope to see you!
415-355-5791



To order a copy send a check
or money order for $17.00 to
Jim Murdoch
PO Box 460594
San Francisco CA 94146




Yonder Shore Jim Murdoch © 2010
produced by Jim Murdoch, Lee Parvin and John Alevizakis
recorded with Lee Parvin at Parvin Studios, Pacifica,
California and recorded and mixed with John Alevizakis at Little Buddha Studio in San Rafael, California.

You can listen to some of the songs at www.sonicbids.com/wwwjimmurdochorg

Thank you to Diane Roby for the cover artwork....
and thank you to all my friends for your help and encouragement

this music is dedicated to Anita


1
Come along words & music jim murdoch © 2007

The music & lyrics for this song came about after I was playing the dulcimer &
harmonica for a patient in the intensive care unit at the UCSF Cancer
Center.

A day will arrive
filled with surprise
a stranger at your door
come along, come along, come along

You've met before
It's been a while
Since you've enjoyed your own company
come along, come along, come along

The stranger you've missed
the lips that have kissed
a love that was your own
a time when once again

We give back our heart
come along, come along,
to the stranger we knew
who taught us their song
the love that is our own
come along, come along, come along

A day will arrive
filled with surprise
a stranger at your door
come along, come along, come along

Lee Parvin, harmony vocal & B3 organ, Jim, guitar, accordion & vocal.


2
The Heart & The Feather words & music jim murdoch © 2008

In Egyptian mythology when a person dies their heart is weighed on a
balance scale with a feather. If the heart is heavier, the person is
consumed by a hungry monster. If the heart is lighter than the
feather they are eligible for spiritual life. The outcome is recorded
by the sacred bird Ibis, a reincarnation of Thoth.

There have been clowns since before the sands of time
Balance, healing, laughter, All tasks at hand sublime
A scene unfolds in Egypt, Someone there has died
On a wall in King Tut’s tomb, The day of judgement has arrived

Bring out the scale, Bring out the feather
Place the heart and weigh them both together

Heart and feather, spirit, mind,
One will rise and float away
Heavy will descend,
Our lessons now transparent
We no longer can pretend

The heart or the feather which will drift up lighter ?
Release the joy and float away Or clinging ever tighter ?

The priest and family friends all witness this tumult
Ibis, clown bird seated is recording the result
In ink with quill on scroll, to err, no possibility
Ibis smiles, “my wings now bear this big responsibility !”

Ibis flew from Egypt and soon arrived in Greece
He became his brother Hermes and decided he could preach
with Trickster’s means the lessons he would teach

When anger, greed and fear occupy our days
Through laughter, tears then satire
he shows the error of our ways

The heart or the feather, which will drift up lighter ?
Release the joy and float away or clinging ever tighter ?

Hermes’ staff, his walking stick the symbol now of medicine
Two snakes the length entwine . . . no, not in strife
They are the chakras, wheels of energy,
All aspects of our life
A balanced view, growth in our community
We hear a plea, a cry for help, another opportunity
So the meaning of our heath is not a bunch of pills
to swallow hard with water, to simply pay the bills

The heart or the feather which will drift up lighter ?
Release the joy and float away Or clinging ever tighter ?

Atop his cane, from Herme's hat, wings of flight adorn,
Wings aloft for those in need, wings lifting the forlorn,
Day is done, the setting sun, all we strive to be
To walk our way to live our lives, with others in tranquility

Lee, harmony vocal, John Alevizakis, cumbus & frame drum, Carolena
Nericcio, zils, Jim, guitar & vocal.


3
Lovely Little Marley words & music jim murdoch © 2007
This is the story of a yellow canary, Marley. Being a singer, Marley
was believed to be a male and so a wife, Mahala was obtained, until
Marley laid several eggs. So then Melchior, a true Spanish Timbrado,
was brought into the family. Before long there were 12 canaries, and
the story does not end there ...

Lovely Little Marley,
munching seeds and barley,
hopping, skipping, jumping,
no place can she go

Lovely Little Marley,
a small canary yellow,
hopping, skipping, hopping
such a charismatic fellow

She welcomes daybreak’s light
with early morning tune
finches, wrens and sparrows
all bid ‘adieu’ the moon

She jumps from perch to swing,
black eyes tiny, bright
splash around, go for a swim
and sing with all her might;

This is my song
Oh, won’t you come along. . .
Psst. . . , hey. . . , open up my door
around the room I’ll soar

Let’s all join in the song
we’ll sing it all day long

and don’t you worry Jack,
I’ll always fly right back
and don’t you worry Jack,
I’ll always fly right back

she loves her seeds and barley
our lovely little Marley
and when she flys away,
we hope she don’t go far - ley

Lee, harmony vocal, B3 organ & drums, John, percussion, Melchior,
avian vocal, Jim, guitar, accordion & vocal.


4
Yonder Shore words & music jim murdoch © 2008

A man in his boat rowing by
puts down the oar and casts his line to tie

"Would you like to come away ?
Leave this land behind, your toils and strife
and sail with me across the sea
to the far off yonder shore?"

We'll arrive one day on a beautiful shore
In paradise at last, searching no more
A bounty so vast never seen before
In paradise at last, searching no more

We are sailing away to that beautiful shore
O'er the briny blue we are troubled no more,
Port, Starboard, Aft' and 'Fore,
Hoist up the sail, Pull hard your oar.

We'll arrive one day on a beautiful shore
In paradise at last, searching no more
A bounty so vast never seen before
In paradise at last, on yonder shore

Sailing away to that beautiful shore
O'er the briny blue we are troubled no more,
Port, Starboard, Aft' and 'Fore,
Hoist up the sail, Pull hard your oar.

We arrived one day on a beautiful shore
In paradise at last, searching no more
A bounty so vast never seen before
In paradise at last, searching no more

Look around, look around
No boat, no oar, no sea, no shore,
We ask, "we have sailed where ?"

Look around . . .
nothing has changed, we were already there

We arrived one day on a beautiful shore
In paradise at last searching no more

Look around, look around
No boat, no oar , no sea, no shore,
We ask, "we have sailed where ?"

Look around . . .
nothing has changed, we were already there

Look around . . . in paradise at last, searching no more
Look around . . . searching no more
In paradise . . . searching no more

Lee, harmony vocal & B3 organ, John, guitar, Jim, guitar, accordion & vocal.


5
La Reine De La Salle arrangement jim murdoch © 2009

La Reine De La Salle, The Queen of the Dance Hall, is a traditional
Acadian Ballad from the 17th century, before the Acadians arrived in
Louisiana from Nova Scotia. I learned this song and adapted it for
accordion from Les Blank's documentary of Cajun and Zydeco music,
"J'ai Ete Au Bal," "I Went to the Dance." La Reine De La Salle was
performed by Odile Falcon, one of the last singers of unaccompanied
Acadian ballads. She performed for family gatherings and made very
few recordings. In the documentary she sings the song seated at her
kitchen table. The lyrics are from the Arhoolie album liner notes
"J'ai Ete Au Bal," "I Went To The Dance," and are quoted with
permission.

Oh little doll, let's dance that beautiful polka,
you who dance so well,
you who are the queen of the hall,
you who are the queen of the hall,
the hall of Paul Royer.

Red striped dresses,
pink striped blouses,
and little elastic collars,
is what they wore,
the daughters of Neville Menard.

John, wooden spoons & acoustic bass, Jim, accordion.


6
I wonder..... words & music jim murdoch © 2007

dedicated to all our moms

Sun shining bright
Twinkling stars in the night . . .
Pillows of clouds floating by
A picnic on the sand
Walking hand in hand
Why has it been so long ?

Slate sky at twilight
Campfire warm and bright . . .
Coyotes are singing to the moon
I travel down the road
I’ll walk along and know
Where have you been so long

Where have you gone,
Why has it been so long,
When will i see you again?
No matter how I try
I simply can’t hide
This feeling deep in my heart

The years and time roll by
Now matter how I try . . .
My heart is filled with your gaze
Dark eyes caressing me
Shining pools of star
Where you have been so long

Where have you gone,
Why has it been so long,
When will I see you again?
No matter how I try
I simply can’t hide
This feeling deep in my heart

Blue rose light at dawn
Time for one more song . . .
Redwing blackbirds chirp along
Sailor’s coffee brewing
ready for to sail
Where have we been so long

There have we gone
Why has it been so long
When will I see you again?
No matter how I try
I simply can’t hide
This feeling deep in my heart

John, harmony vocal, bass & drums, Jim, guitar, harmonica & vocal.


7
La Ruiseñor, The Nightingale music jim murdoch © 2009

a solo piano piece inspired by the traditional flamenco form, 'soleares.'

Jim, piano.


8
The Lakes of Pontchartrain

This traditional song is set in Louisiana near New Orleans. Its
origins are pretty vague but seem to depict the plight of a
confederate soldier who is broke and stranded at the end of the Civil
War until he is taken in by a creole girl. Another possibility is the
song was brought back to Ireland by British and Irish soldiers
returning from the War of 1812.

It was on one fine March morning when I bid New Orleans 'adieu'
I was on the road to Jackson town my fortunes to renew
I cursed all foreign money no credit could I gain
which filled my heart with longing for the lakes of Pontchartrain

I sat on board a railway car beneath the morning sun
I rode the rails ‘til evening when I lay me down again
all strangers were no friend to me 'til a dark girl towards me came
and I fell in love with a creole girl on the lakes of Pontchartrain

I said, "my pretty creole girl, my money here's no good
If it weren't for the alligators I would sleep out in the woods.”
“You’re welcome here kind stranger our house is very plain
but we never turn a stranger out on the lakes of Pontchartrain."

She took me on to her mama's house and treated me right well
raven hair upon her shoulders jet black ringlets fell
to try to paint her beauty I'm sure would be in vain
so handsome was my creole girl on the lakes of Pontchartrain

I asked her would she marry me and she said that never would be
for she had got a lover and he was far at sea
she said that she would wait for him and faithful she remained
waiting for her sailor on the lakes of Pontchartrain

So fare thee well my bonny ol’ girl I may never see you no more
I won’t forget your kindness in that cottage by the shore
and at every social gathering a golden glass I'll drain
and drink all health to the creole girl on the lakes of Pontchartrain

Pili (Lyn 'Unihipiliowailelepualu Hilliard), Hawaiian slack key &
12 string guitars, Lee, harmony vocal & B3 organ, Jim, guitar, harmonica
& vocal.


9
Mother of Beauty words & music jim murdoch © 2009

inspired by Wallace Stevens' 'Sunday Morning.'

Morning coffee cup and saucer
kitchen table ocean view
sweet & dark, bitter rich
orange petals hold the dew

Beacon light guiding ships
ever turning night and day
jagged rocks & ‘tween the tides
sailors safely on their way

Mother of Beauty
daughter of pain
father of thunder
brother of rain

Feeling today
sadness tomorrow
father of change
brother of sorrow

Mother of ice
daughter of fire
father of dreams
child of desire

A row of geese, wings pump in time
along the current of the breeze
peak to trough a ribbon line
riding, bobbing, graceful ease

Mother of Beauty
moon on the wane
father of starlight
lover in pain

Rivers no sound
flow to the sea
swallows’ remembrance
song’s eternity

Towards the shore, sky crystal blue
gulls, gulls, white & grey
each a feather thousands, thousands
cavort & fish for one more day

Passion of loss
chaos of gain
what will endure
what will remain

Laughter and sunshine
morning birds sing
tears of the lonely
beauty of wing

Come to rest . . all come to rest
gulls squawking, pelicans still
wind offshore, the fish head north
on the tide the birds soon will

Spices of summer
cool evening trees
swallows will fly
red autumn leaves

Geese in the sky
no longer depend
berries of summer
wings now extend

Mother of death
fullfill our dreams
beauty of winter
all that it seems

John, synthesizer, Jim, piano, vocal & accordion.


10
L'Amour du Moi arrangement jim murdoch © 2009

Jim, piano

L'Amour du Moi is a traditional French Canadian song from the 16th
Century. It was recorded by Paul Robeson on an album, "Live
Performance at The Royal Albert Hall" in 1958 and later by Hank Jones
and Charlie Haden on their album, "Steal Away" in 1995.

Jim, piano


11
Dusk & Dawn words & music jim murdoch © 2008

Heliotropism? Actually Helios, the Greek sun god had a chariot which
was pulled by 4 horses: Pyrois, Eos, Aethon and Phlegon. In my
version, Dusk & Dawn offer us encouragement when we may not feel like
turning toward the light...

Sea cliff's lava, crumbling shale
melting back into the sea
West wind blowing, bending east
every shoreline tree

Sunflowers tall & bright
turning to face the light
Helios' chariot glides across the sky
Chariot is drawn by horses, Dusk & Dawn
Golden steeds ever bright

Summer sky dips to the west
Helios' chariot pulls the sun
Manes ablaze they light our way
until the day is done

Sunflowers tall & bright
turning to face the light
Helios' chariot glides across the sky
Chariot is drawn by horses, Dusk & Dawn
Flaming steeds ever bright

West wind howls with all its might
Leaves and canopies turn as one
growing true, a row so straight
no gardener could have done

Sunflowers tall & bright
turning to face the light
Helios' chariot glides across the sky
Chariot is drawn by horses, Dusk & Dawn
Golden steeds ever bright

Two weeks have nearly passed
Our gardener comes again to mow & cut the grass
Does the lawn cry out, heave a sigh,
"Oh no, he's here again. What is the use ?
Why should we even try ?"

Sunflowers tall & bright
turning to face the light
Helios' chariot glides across the sky
Chariot is drawn by horses, Dusk & Dawn
Flaming steeds ever bright

Sea cliff's lava, crumbling shale
melting back into the sea
West wind blowing, bending east
every shoreline tree

Sunflowers tall & bright
turning to face the light
Helios' chariot glides across the sky
Chariot is drawn by horses, Dusk & Dawn
Golden steeds ever bright

John, guitar, Lee, harmony vocal, B3 organ & glockenspiel, Jim,
guitar, accordion & vocal


12
Oh! Susanna, traditional (Stephen Foster)
Jim, guitar & vocal, Lee, harmony vocal.

welcome to the new website

welcome, take a look around. I'll be posting now and again to give information about comings and goings and some thoughts about life.

The new cd which is titled 'Yonder Shore' is rolling right along. I'll be recording 3 new piano pieces next, 'Mother of Beauty,' a new vocal I've written accompanied by piano which is a first. A flamenco piano solo, 'La Ruisenor,' or the 'Nightingale' in the style of a soleares and a 16th century French Canadian folk song, 'L'amour de Moy,' which I first heard on a Hank Jones and Charlie Haden album, 'Steal Away' and which Paul Robeson recorded on an album entitled 'Live Performance at The Royal Albert Hall' August 10, 1958.

You can hear longer demo versions of a couple of the songs at the sonicbids electronic press kit,
* 'Lakes of Pontchartrain,' featuring my friend Lyn ‘Unihipili Hilliard playing Hawaiian slack key & 12 string guitar,
* 'Yonder Shore,' the title song
* 'Lovely Little Marley'
* 'Dusk & Dawn'

Learning to Live in the Moment

Here is an account of my experience as a caregiver which was posted on The American Cancer Society's page 'Stories of Hope,' 'Survivor Teaches Partner to Live in the Moment'

The key …is to live and be in the moment. Don't jump ahead, don't wish that this wasn't happening.

Jim Murdoch, a music therapist at UCSF/Mt. Zion Hospital in San Francisco, calls himself a Pied Piper.

"I …basically just go from room to room with a small accordion and knock on peoples' doors and ask them if they would like some music," he said.

The music draws them out, he said, and gets them to talk about their feelings about their illness.

In July 1999, while playing polkas for an older gentleman, Murdoch saw the sign on the door of the next room: "do not disturb."

But, behind the sign someone was listening. Michelle "Mimi" Marsh, 46, diagnosed at the beginning of the month with stage IIIC ovarian cancer, was recuperating from an 11-hour surgery.

Mimi later told Murdoch she wondered, "How come nobody is coming in to play music for me?"

They met the next week. "When I came in, she was walking down the hall with her IV pole, so I asked her if she wanted to hear some music," he said.

"I knew if I came back to play for her … we would probably end up staying in touch with each other," said Murdoch.

And that's what happened. After her first chemotherapy treatment (high-dose
taxol-carboplatin), he suggested they have lunch. It became a routine. "We'd go to the treatments and then go out and have lunch, and gradually we just fell in love."

In the fall of 1999, Murdoch joined a support group for partners of women who have cancer. "I thought I should just go and see where I'm at with all this and what this is about," he said. "And that was tremendously helpful."

Caregiver Finds The Way

"One of the gentlemen [in the group] said the key …is to live and be in the moment," Murdoch said. Don't jump ahead, don't wish that this wasn't happening. And I think to me, that was the main thing about being a caregiver, just to be with the person.

"And the power of it is, you're going through it together, and that she doesn't have to go through it by herself," he said.

Mimi finished her first six cycles of chemotherapy in November 1999, but after the last cycle, her tumor marker, ca 125, went above normal, and the CT scans showed a suspicious mass. It turned out to be fatty tissue, and all 18 biopsies were normal.

"No more cancer, " said Murdoch. "Hooray!"

Mimi's second line of chemotherapy, topotecan, was finished in May 2000. For the next 10 months, Mimi was free of cancer — no more treatments, no sign of disease.

In January 2001, Mimi returned to work at a Bay area hospital. She was a pediatric neonatal ICU nurse, and cared for premature babies.

But in March, her doctors found a brain tumor.

"For me," Murdoch said, that was "the worst. It was sadder even than the day she died. She'd been doing so well, working, exercising, taking painting classes, really starting to put her life back together.

"Now there was so much uncertainty — was there already more cancer in her body? What could they do for treatment?" he asked.

Facing Frustration And The Unknown

"It was a pretty grim day," Murdoch said as he recalled the moments after they were told. "So I asked her, what would you like to do? You know, maybe you want to go back up to your house, or come over to my house, or get something to eat? And her response was, 'are there any thrift stores around here?'"

"That was one of her main passions," said Murdoch, "to go to garage sales and flea markets and thrift stores."

"So we spent about three hours in this thrift store that was just a few blocks away, you know, buying clothes and just looking at everything. And then we went out and had this wonderful Italian dinner."

Mimi had successful brain surgery in April, but in June, pelvic area scans showed a dozen new tumors about an inch in diameter, he said. Mimi underwent another round of chemotherapy — two treatments with Doxil (doxorubicin) in June and July.

Then scans in August showed the tumors had spread rapidly to her kidneys, spleen, pancreas, stomach, colon, and bladder.

"Probably up until we got the news [that the cancer had spread], we were still optimistic that they would be able to control it," Murdoch said. "And even in spite of the progression, it was like, well, there are still a few things we can do, and we'll…do those," he said. "And we'll just see how it goes, and continue to live as much as possible."

In August 2001, hospice began providing services for Mimi at home.

"And I think even in September…the hospice nurse said, 'she probably only has two months to live,'" he said. "And that kind of surprised me because…whatever it was that we were doing — cooking food, having visitors come over, it was let's just be in the present, this is what we're doing," said Murdoch, who was her primary caregiver.

"I would never give up," he said. "It became, if she wasn't going to recover, if she wasn't going to survive, she's here, right now, and I'm going to make her breakfast, I'm going to make her a sandwich, and then you know, deal with whatever's going on right now."

"And I think that made it much easier for me because I was so involved in the process — I never felt like I was taking care of a sick person. She was dealing with a life-threatening illness, but we stuck together on our journey down life's path, no matter what," he said.

A Life Lived Fully

"There were times we had a lot of doctors appointments, but then we'd go out and have fun at thrift stores, at the beach, cooking together, or going out to eat, with a much greater appreciation and love for life and for each other."

During this time, Murdoch came to know an older couple at a senior center where he also was a music therapist.

"They were both in their 80s; they'd been married for 60 years. I thought, 'Mimi and I are probably not going to get to this point.' And then I realized, we did it in two and a half years. We had the full cycle of this relationship and nothing was left unsaid. We were able to talk about everything."

Mimi died on Oct. 20, just after her 49th birthday.

Murdoch still attends the support group. "That's been terrific," he said.
"You can never really be ready for someone to die, but you can be prepared in a sense."

"Part of being a caregiver is …really being a companion to the person, and that means the suffering that she went through, that was both of our suffering," he said. "And when that's over, that part of the suffering is over for me as well…It's a tremendous sense of relief that she s not suffering anymore," he said.

"Several of the men have thanked me for continuing to attend and be a role model for them in how to go through this process," he said. "I've learned a tremendous amount from others and giving back has been an important part of the healing process."

Post script... in 2005 Jim was hired to be the facilitator for the UCSF men's support group.

Beaujolais Nouveau at Cote Sud, Thursday November 19, 2009

I'll be playing some beautiful French accordion songs to help celebrate Beaujolais Nouveau (the annual release of the new wine) here in San Francisco on Thursday November 19, 2009 from 6:00 to 10:00 pm. at Cote Sud, at 4238 18th street (between Diamond & Collingwood) They're having a special menu, details - 415 255 6565 www.cotesudsf.com